Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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