YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
