my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
