wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dont even know how to be here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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