he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize