Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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