Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
