Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Still dying that you shit outside
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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