That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
