you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
