i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
