She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
