So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
