no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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