At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In America we eat man semen.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
