only if we run a train.
done.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
