So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.