Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me