Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny