The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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