you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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