I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
