i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
