As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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