I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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