I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
