yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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