I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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