I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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