I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
God I need to hump something, right now.
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