Old men and throwing up are my life now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
