then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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