you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
