Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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