You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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