um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
