I don't usually arrange sex via text message
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
