I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
