i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
