from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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