After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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