The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
