now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
