Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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