Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
