I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize