so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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