He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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