I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize