is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
