you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
