Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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