Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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