he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
