Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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