Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
