I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
