There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Four minutes until I can fart!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
