so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
