two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
