She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
