I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
