I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
