just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's great music for shaving your balls
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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