so that wasnt chicken after all
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
