I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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