I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
