Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
