remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
