I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He better not be in your backpack
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
