my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
